Right before I proposed (12/16/06), the New York Times had a thread of stories on marriage and the surprises that could (and most likely do) come up as a result.
The first article chronicles how some spouses-to-be assume that they know each other yet haven't addressed such clear-cut issues like commitment to fidelity, debt, or when to start a family. It's a definite read.
The second is a great list of 12 questions that every soon-to-be-wed couple should ask each other. See for yourself.
Here are Coco's answers:
(shhh. she doesn't know I'm posting them.)
1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver? Yes, we will and I would like both of us to share the responsibility.
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh? I would like to have enough money to buy something from Christian Louboutin whenever I want to. Please. And save for our kids college education.
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores? We both work, we should both maintain the household except you never have to clean my coffee pot.
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental? No mental problems here, but I’m sure some would beg to differ. As for health, I go to the doctor quite regularly. He tells me to exercise more or tell me to stop paying the membership fees.
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect? Yes, probably too much. You've got a weird foot infatuation thing.
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears? Grrrrr.
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom? Yes, but I think it should be important to watch TV as a family, and there will be no tvs in our kids bedroom. Nor will they have phones.
8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints? I think so. Is it bad he falls asleep while I'm talking to him?
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education? I don’t think there needs to be a formal education on it, but we can let the kids decide what they want to do. Circumcision is a must.
10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends? Yes, most of your friends are now mine.
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship? No your mom is in Florida, how much interfering can she do?
12) What does my family do that annoys you? Your brother’s tell me the same stories over and over but you already know that ;). haha.
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage? Shopping, within reason. And traveling...one vacation a year, please.
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move? It’s open for discussion. Just promise me we don't have to move out of Brooklyn.
15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face I think so.
I think so?? Say what??
2 comments:
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores? We both work, we should both maintain the household except you never have to clean my coffee pot., I believe that i said that you should stop leaving your socks and underwear on the floor and put them in the hamper.
My understanding is that Christian Laboutin is not a university but can be a piece of cloth. Your children's education should come way before.
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