Just Something To Talk About...

So, what is a French cake anyway, Mr. Eva Longoria?? Is it one made of champagne? Escargot? French bread? French fries? [Coco wishes!!] I'm not sure either but you can read about it here.

Maybe they'll both enter that ridiculous wedding cake eating contest that WE, as in Women's Entertainment Network, is having as part of that ridiculous show Bridezillas. Read for yourself.

And in glad-I'm-not-in-their-shoes wedding news, the sale of a $17M (not a typo and all in cash) has forced the former Sky Studios to tell brides-and-grooms-to-be that are already in contract, that they have to find someplace else to get ma-weed. Turns out it's now a primary residence with size limitations of only 75 people. Read about how sucky it is here. And here's the actual letter to the brides. D. A. M. N.

(I'd be lying if I told you I didn't have my own fears about the Carlyle undertaking major renovations with the US Open coming to town in 2009. Rest assured - I was assured.)

How Many Have You Been To?

Quick answer: 7
True answer: see below (and in no particular order)




1) Tiny (Cleveland (Rocks!), OH)
2) TK (Vail, CO)
3) Gillott (Miami, FL)
4) Laquinta (NY)
5) DLJ (NJ)
6) Hetman (LI, NY)
7) The Mayor (Grafton, VT)
8) Michelle Walsh (NYC)
9) The Unit (NYC)
10) The Ohayons (LI, NY)
11) Coastie-Bro-who-is-a-daddy-to-be (Sea-town, WA)
12) Stephanie & Chris (LI, NY)
13) Chris & Andrea (LI, NY)

(Am I missing any?)

I'll stop at this lucky, prime number knowing that there are probably 2 or 3 more that I've been to in the past 5 or so years that I cannot nor probably wish to recall. Please insert you're own reason.

So, what is my point?? My point is ducats. Cash. Cheese. Bread. Dineros. Call it whatever you'd like to but know that attending one, in as much as throwing one as I am experiencing first hand, costs money.

Between the flight, rental car, hotel, wedding gift, new outfit, etc., - it all adds up. Add to that the expenses incurred at the bachelor party and the cost probably doubles if not triples. (It's amazing how money seems to teleport almost instantaneously from one's savings account to the college fund of a red-headed junior named Cherry. Or Amber. Or Chastity. Or Destiny. Or...)

Needless to say, it can be overwhelming and the last thing Coco or I want is for our "blessed union" to cause undue, financial duress. After all, it was this link that prompted this post. (Thank you, Google Reader.) We understand we are popular people and that the wedding and stag & hen parties will be something to talk about, but we aren't reason alone to extend oneself. Or are we?

Spend responsibly people.

New Feature!!

So, I've embedded a new feature that I'm labeling "Song of the Moment". As of now, it will sit right above the most recent post. I started with it over on the right-hand side with the rest of the page elements (that's what Blogspot calls them) but I think it gets lost. And besides, I didn't want to mess with the current order. Order is key. I like order.

I'm sure not what the switch is yet to have it play automatically or play an entire playlist but I'm working on it. Until then you'll have to hit play. I'd love to see how else I can tweak this app[lication].

As for the song choice - The Funeral by Band of Horses - it cannot be played loud enough nor just once. Find our for yourself. In fact, the entire Band of Horses repertoire is pretty amazing. Feel free to make some suggestions. If I can find the song I may showcase it.

I'm sure Coco will want to 'showcase' various wedding songs that she likes. Be prepared. ...And go....

Hope you have speakers. If not, get some!

What do ya got, Lames??

An Ode to Bundling

The WSJ had an eye-opening piece on the latest rage in weddings - perfect for 2008 - weddings as bundling initiatives. It's ingenious if you ask me.

It started out as a half-joking comment from fiancee's Alex Heckler and Tiffany Zientz: "Why not convert the wedding reception for 250 guests into a per-plate fund-raiser for a presidential contender?" As it turns out, such a far-out idea is far from far-out since the very same groom-to-be actually met his bride-to-be by lifting her email address from a political fund-raising list. Gasp. (Whatever is takes to get the woman of our dreams, right fellas?)

Mr. Heckler's devotion to fund-raising is characteristic of few. At least dating back to Kerry's run for president, he's been a bundler - "one of the few hundred Americans underwriting the early rounds of the campaign by cajoling friends, relatives and contacts to dash off checks for a few thousand dollars to their favorite candidate."

Could such an endeavor work for Coco and I? Let's explore the possibilities:

a) We are Americans.

b) We have friends.

c) We have family.


...looks pretty good so far.


d) Said family and friends most certainly own checkbooks filled with........wait for it....checks just waiting to be filled out. Nevermind that I deftly left out Mr. Heckler's $2,300 per-plate asking price.

e) Said family and friends, some WAY more outspoken than others, most likely (and hopefully!) vote. It is our right and hopefully your voting so aspects of the President's Immigration Bill (like "amnesty" via Z visas & council paid by our tax $s) never make it to fruition. Anyway you look at it, this bill will cost a pretty penny. And at the very least, said family and friends must prefer one candidate (or candidate's features!) more than the another, no? If that ain't reason enough to vote, I don't know what is.

f) Said family and friends will conveniently be convening to celebrate our upcoming nuptials. Could there be second reason to celebrate?

g) If you read the right rag, you may have caught on that a certain gentlemanly candidate from a state whose northernly brother loves vinegary BBQ (and is very close to the state where Seannie and Jenoa are moving to) will be front-and-center on a certain familial CN pub. How's that for a cryptic blind item!


...the stars seem aligned thus far...


i) If we pull out the cost of the Honeymoon that I've included in our spreadsheet, the per head 'contribution' seems very affordable.

j) Can you say tax write-off??

k) We would let attendees select the campaign of their choice.

l) 'Contributions' are anonymous. (Please maintain current registered political affiliations, Heather. Anonymity doesn't mean you can now use blue ink because it's in vogue and you dig Hil.)



So, what do you think? Compelling argument if you ask me. The chances of us 'bundling' our wedding for the 2008 Presidential election look pretty good, huh?

[I was really hoping I could think of 26 (A-Z, get it?) reasons but I just don't think I'm as witty as you think I am. Sorry to disappoint.]

Because You Asked...

In blogging fashion, I thought I would provide readers (frequent or other) with some information that we may incorporate into our wedding ceremony.





The Unity Candle - I've seen it used before but I can't quite recall if it's use was indicative of a religious ceremony or not. Either way, I think it could be used as-is or tweaked to make it more personal.

As one can probably imagine, the bride and groom each take a lit candle and simultaneously light a third larger "unity candle." They may blow out their individual lights, or leave them lit, symbolizing that they have not lost their individuality in their unity. Personally, I'm not fond of blowing out the candles since I think its a bit too easy (and unnerving) to find something symbolic in extinguishing them; me being symbolic and all. [For your trivia buffs, this is similar to the South African !Kung ceremony in which fire from the hearths of the homes of both families is used to start a fire in the newlyweds' home.]

Minister Keith (of NYMarriages) mentioned an alternative yet similarly symbolic ceremony, the sand ceremony. I like the idea but I just don't think it comes off as clean as the candle ceremony. Way too messy if you ask me. What if we use white sand??

I'm a fan of the wine ceremony where the bride and groom each take a carafe of wine and pour it into a single glass, which they both drink from. Heck, I'll drink anything. Even something as weak as wine.

Perhaps we can combine them as follows:

1 part Big A's Campari
1 part her mom's Wild Turkey (Gobble! Gobble!)
1 part Coco's (crap) Bud/Coor's light (no link necessary)
1 part Black Label (I wouldn't dare ruin a single malt doing this!)
1 part Mom's white wine with ice

Shake - because 007 never had it stirred. Pour into holy grail. Sip (or at least pretend to). Take said Holy Grail and attempt to break via foot like the Israeli Nation (representin! hoooo!). I think I've covered all of the bases, no?

In all seriousness, I like the idea of the unity candle and will figure out how best to incorporate it. Logistics within the chapel will most likely drive this.

More Puzzle Pieces - Wedding Imagery

Slowly but surely, the pieces are coming together.

Tuesday we hope to go to contract with Duet. After searching high and low, I think they provide the best value for what they offer: 2 photographers, a videographer (not sure if there is an assistant or not), 10 hours of 'activity', an engagement session, 1 large album for us, 2 smaller albums for the parents, 600+ 4x6 prints select prints used to build the album, DVDs of all of the images, a video DVD, an option to purchase the raw footage (I think we'll do this) and either an 11x14 or 2 8x10s.

I'll be glad to get this out of the way and incorporate the overall hit to our schedule (aka wedding spreadsheet). I don't recall exactly what their payment expectations are but I think we only have to pay 20 or 25% upfront. Retaining the balance for almost a year is always good when interest is concerned. Behold! The power of compounding interest.

A day late, but Happy belated Father's Day to all of the dads and dads-to-be that read the blog. That goes for you to, mom - you were the only father figure I had growing up (besides Uncle Hank but he's a Yankee fan). It's a wonder I didn't end up batting for the other team. Not that that's a bad thing....just not my thing.

Another Piece Of The Puzzle

Yes, that's right. Another piece to the wedding puzzle has been put into place.

Last night we had our officiant interview with Minister Keith from NY Marriages. Coco was running late (Men's Vogue beckons) so Minister Keith and I talked shop and baseball at the bar for a while. (I must admit there are still times when I just don't know where I am when I come above ground from the subway. Does this happen to every New Yorker?? Surely it must.)

The conversation quickly moved away from Mets & the Yankees (sorry, Minister Keith. Let's hope the Metropolitans can stop their losing streak!) as soon as we had cocktails in hand. For the record, Minister Keith, only ordered a Coke. Stella for me and a vibrantly floral 2007 Roisin Dubh for the bride-to-be.

Minister Keith reviewed for us his history, his perspectives on marriage, religion, and naturally, talked a bit about his family. (He and his wife (a Mets fan!) are expecting their 3rd child. They also have a set of one year-old twins - Twins?? Sounds like kismet to me!)

He ran down a 'typical' ceremony and graciously answered ANY questions we had about ANYTHING, either related or unrelated to the ceremony. I can't quite recall what specific questions we asked but the materials he provided covered all of the bases. Baseball pun intended. We spoke about a union ceremony (candle or sand), our vows, readings, who we might like to witness the signing of the marriage license, amongs other things. Needless to say, we're both very excited to work out the details in the upcoming months. He was very positive, over extended himself, and was glad to incorporate anything we wanted into the ceremony that would personalize it. He didn't stop there and as we exited, offered to answer any questions we might have about anything.

Other Minister Keith points of interest:

-He's owned up to using my "pleasantly forgettable" description of officiants with other clients.

-He's taller than I anticipated (due to his photo on the website). 6', maybe 6'1".

-This is not his full-time occupation. He also works in IT.

-He's done 1 ceremony at The Carlyle. I'd be just as happy if we're #2 or #10.

-He participates in a fantasy season-long HR derby that could pay out $$$$. I believe the Mrs. does, too.


(Sorry, Aunt T but The NYSEC is out. A great idea but I think we'd be foolish to pass up Minister Keith. I think I'll refer to him as MK for the rest of this post.)

Coco Strikes Gold - The Registry Kind

I missed the boat but was miraculously thrown a life preserver by the bride-to-be. Whew. I'm not sure how I missed it but it's definitely good blog fodder. A job well done, baby.

Discussing the very concept of a registry is fraught with deep, complex issues: What do we register for? What do we want vs. what do we need? Do we really need that? What should we not register for? What will most of our friends and family pick off? What will be left that we have to then pick up to complete a set of something? This list goes on.

And sadly, the issues do not disappear just because you're on the other side of the line actually building a registry. (I use the term 'building' because one must really give thought to this. Slapping together a hodge-podge of wants & wishes can actually be a detriment and cost something.)

I'll be the first person to tell you that I avoided registries; I thought they were too impersonal for the relationship I have/had with the bride and groom. I like to make sure there's meaning behind the gift. Coco has appropriately slapped me out of my fantasy. Hello real world. Registries - consider me your slave.

What I failed to read, and Coco so graciously pointed out to me, was an inquisitive and insightful Gawker post. [Gawker - a cog in the Nick Denton Gawker Media machine; the blog that you love to hate; Other blogs include Wonkette, Defamer and one of my personal favs - Gizmodo. The list goes on. Just google him and see for yourself.]

The post, that I am sl-ow-ly getting to, is an expose` on The Worst Wedding In The World. With brevity in mind, I'll attempt to consolidate most of the important points.

1) I didn't know a Modern Bride Of The Year crown even existed. I'd like one please.

2) How can someone really invite 200 guests to a destination wedding and expect them all to show up? Rumor has it the destination was Cali wine country.

3) The couple is "ready to take the sickest honeymoon of all time." That's so rad.

4) And as such, have registered with Starwood for said sickest honeymoon of all time. Yes, I said registered. See how they have been doing here!

5) The groom-to-be states the following "With Heather in school, etc., unfortunately we're not really at the life juncture of copper cookware, roasters, and 400 count Egyptian [sic] cotton sheets". 400 thread-count sheets? Sounds so Martha, n'est pas?

Here's the link again in case you missed it. [Here] Be sure to read the comments. Here are some of my favorites. (Warning: not for the faint of heart)

"if there is a god, she will be waiting for them"

"This has MD telethon written all over it."

"Also, in browsing the "Our Friends" section of the website I can't help but think that if her girlfriends were as good-looking as she is, she'd have a pool of wealthy older husbands to mooch from. That's what you get for being one of those girls who likes to be surrounded by less attractive women. "

"Can you say 'Cash Bar'?!"

"In my day, this was called 'begging'."

"And Heather, do you take Mike to be your lawfully wedded husband? I douche."


I'm in line with the majority that have commented; I think the bride and groom might be extending themselves a bit too much. But I'd also be lying if I said I never, ever, ever, ever mentioned something along identical lines. It's almost as bad as registering for assistance in clearing personal debt. Or how about registering to assist with mortgage payments? If guests are willing to contribute to starting a home, why not suggest what it is they should be getting. Sort of sounds like the whole idea behind a traditional gift registry, no?

Daniel Gross at Slate takes a defensive position dropping topics such as socially-accepted-recipient-directed giving, the emerging field of happiness studies, 'transumers' (people who are driven by experiences not objects) and frictionless transactions. It really makes for an interesting read.

Wedding Attire Threads

Conde's Glamour ran a brief piece under the MSNBC banner about a bride's style Dos and Don'ts. I'll quote (and possibly comment one) the important points:



1)"DON’T spend the down payment for your home on a wedding dress."

I concur.

2)"DON’T obey the old rule that bridesmaid gowns must always match! There are very few dresses that flatter all body types and your bridesmaids will thank you for taking their sizes and shapes into consideration."

Umm. I'm not sure how Coco will take to this but I think she'll forgo 'staying on their good side' for the same black dress they can actually wear after the wedding.

3)"DO make sure your groom fits in with the rest of the bridal party."

Well, yeah. Obv.

4)"DO find an 'of the moment' It dress that is timeless and classic."

This seems like a home run to me. If there is one thing I can count on is Coco picking something timeless & classic. Go Coco. Team Brefanie rules!



In true related fashion (pun intended), all Dress Day references will heretofore be referred to as D-Day. Dress Day = D-Day. Get it? Similarly, all Tuxedo Day references will fall under the T-Day moniker.

Question: If I am purposefully excluded from D-Day, does this imply that Coco is excluded from T-Day? Seems only fair, no? I'll take it from here, baby.

Reducing The Size Of Our "Footprint"

Every time I bring up the topic of ways we can incorporate green aspects into the wedding, Coco goes off, rightfully, on a tangent about recycling. To be honest, we do not recycle and I blame it fully on the fact that we just don't know what the rules are in our 'hood.

Fitting, via Brownstoner to OnlyTheBlogKnowsBrooklyn, I've learned that Park Slope (aka The Slope) is #1 in the city. The Department of Sanitation rates the highest PS with a 30% recycling rate, that's capturing 60-65% of recyclable waste. Sadly, we do not contribute to this feat. This post provides some great tips and links directly to the newly created Office of Recycling Outreach and Education. You can read about it here if you're interested. Tell me I'm not the only one who didn't know that people shouldn't be using blue bags anymore - at least in PS??!

I'll see what we can do as far as our building is concerned. Changes need to happen.

Cool New Feature!!!

I've just figured out how to embed a Picasa slideshow as a new page element. Sweet!

Don't take offense if you don't see your picture up there - either you don't read the blog (enough), don't comment (enough) , or we really don't like you (enough). Seriously, it started out as pix of "just us" and then grew to pix of either "one of us and someone else". Who knows what it will grow into next??!!

I also may not have photos of you, your parent(s), your sibling(s), your loved one(s), or child(ren) readily available to include. If you have a PG photo you'd like me to include send it to our home address with a check or money order for $14.99 made out to "Team Brefanie - In Support Of All Things Pure & Chaste". Come back and keep checking to see if you've made "Roll Call".

Inspiration? Eh - I Don't Really Think Its Necessary

I've seen a few articles online and in print about the proliferation of people "publicizing" their journey from engagement to wedding. Call it a crime of passion....a crime of love....or just a crime in need of attention. We are indeed guilty of such a crime.

So, too, are the newly married Tuff's. They have a nice website (not really a blog, Aunt T, but here is a nice piece on the differences in each) with a clever and catchy URL (www.doublemintwedding.com). As you can imagine they are both one half of a pair of identical twins. (Redundant? Yes, but I like it that way!)

They, too, list information on the bridal parties, resources for out-of-town guests and history on couple. It's cute. Perhaps this will be impetus enough to incorporate some more pictures and stories? I'll leave the stories up to Coco since she remembers (and hears!) everything. Everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

Coco, tell some stories or post a picture or two or seven. Do something. Please. Thankyouverymuch.

Something New

I received an obnoxious request (happily via a comment on this blog) requesting the weather in a 'foreign' city (Chicago; I wonder who was the requester was, Boogie??). I've decided to do one better.

Located on the right side of the blog, I've added a new page element giving readers the weather in Brooklyn. Its a cool tool from WeatherReports. Feel free to enter any zip code. It could even be one from Chicago for all I care.

Don't forget to check back when you're in town for the engagement party and wedding.

Hot Off The Presses - Officiant News

It seems Minister Keith of NYMarriages has to reschedule next week's meeting. It seem he "made a critical error in setting up our meeting." Tuesday (June 12th) is actually his wife's birthday. For some reason, he thinks if he met with us, on Tuesday evening he would go home and the locks would be changed and all of his stuff would be on the front lawn.

This just reeks of foreshadowing.

Note to self:Do not forget wife-to-be's birthday.

Wedding News

Whoa. Thank heavens were not getting married in Wisconsin. Turns out this mouse of a photographer skipped out on giving the wedded couples the wedding day pics after collecting their cheddar. Ouch. Even more disturbing (gasp!) he pocketed the sales tax and never passed it along to the state. Double ouch. Dirty rat. Read about it here.


Green weddings are all the rage this year. Green is definitely the new black. (You've heard it hear first!!) It seems this couple from down under is taking it a bit too far. 101 ways to use to elephant dung. Must make the stamps stick better, no?? Who on earth do they think they are - Bear Grylls??

For real though, Bear is sick. Can't wait for the new season to kick off.

Thoughts on Hotels

I have absolutely no idea what we're going to do about hotels. Its early, but I can only imagine how many conversations I'm going to have about this.

Do I reserve a block of rooms at a hotel near the venue? If so, selection is limited.

Do I reserve a block of rooms at a hotel in the city? If so, selection is unlimited. (note: this has huge implications on transportation.)

How many people do I need to consider and by when?

Is there a standard number for a given size wedding? 20%? 25%?

Will those already 'in town' stay at a hotel?

What will the average length of stay be? (note: there will be a golf outing - most likely Thursday. Friday is definitely out of the question, right?)

Should I block rooms for just the night of the wedding and have guests decide for themselves?

Where will Coco and her maids be getting ready? Casa de Big A? Hotel? Other? (note: again, huge implications on transportation.)

Where will me and the groomsmen be coming from? Hotel? Bar? Hotel Bar? Other? (note: again, huge implications on transportation.)

When do I have to decide by? G-d forbid we select a hotel that also happens to host similar events and blocks rooms we may want.

And then there are the Bride-To-Be's wishes? (note: I will do my best to keep these in check but just so we are all on the same page, I also refer to her as............wait.................wait for it..............Hotel Snob. Thank you, Big A.)

What are my obligations with all of this? Am I overlooking anything? Who has some great insight for me? Someone? Anyone?

The Market - A Potential Play

Here's the evolution of what I'll eventually get to - please keep up:





A) According to USA Today, a study by Modern Bride states the average wedding costs roughly $27,852.

B) I am planning a wedding. If you are reading this you probably already know this.

C) Studies show that for approximately 1% or 2% of that cost, a wedding can be insured. See my post from early May about looking for a provider. [The Fireman's Fund also provides wedding insurance.]

D) I am interested in wedding insurance. Again, if you are reading this you probably already know this.

E) This is supposed to be a very active year with 17 named storms and 9 potential hurricanes. Read about it here.

F)Mom lives in Florida. Her house is equipped with hurricane shutters.


What does this all mean? (keep scrolling...)


Insurance stocks might be a good play with increasing premiums (& love - the Branjelina kind).

Related, how is Affinity (Parent company Aon Corporation - AOC) not a good play seeing that WedSafe seems to be the primary wedding insurer out there. I've yet to dig into their financials. Thoughts?

Say It Ain't So Meredith - I mean - Ellen

Turns out that Coco's least favorite character (Ms. Grey) on her most favorite show (Grey's Anatomy) wants a "cute" wedding. [For those not hip on the jargon, "cute" is real estate speak for "small".] Is it really necessary for them to elope and save money?!? Hmmmm. Elope - now that sounds like a money-saving idea.

Read more about it here. Not our elope, silly - hers! Let's be real. Why would I publicize our elope?!?

L'Officiant - Part Duex et Trois

Part Duex

Back on the Officiant kick, I've set up a meeting with Minister Keith (MK) from NYMarriages for next Tuesday. Strangely (I actually prefer 'fittingly'), our meeting is at the restaurant/bar Roisin Dubh located downtown. Coco was especially excited but I told her to keep her stomach in check and that there's a better chance of me getting a pig-on-a-spit added as a wedding entree then her ordering up a side of mozzarella sticks. Besides - true to this establishment's Irish roots they only offer dinner of the liquid & amber variety. For the record, I prefer mine with an ice cube or two.

It should be noted that MK and I had a great chat on the phone about his officiant style. Read about my first post here. Coco, Mrs. Big A, and I really like the vows he suggested, too.

ps...He's a Yankee fan so try not to be too hard on him - they're only 12.5 games behind Boston. Hee hee.


Part Trois

Under the suggestion of Coco's Aunt T, I've also reached out to The New York Society for Ethical Culture to see what officiant services they have to offer. [sidebar: It never ceases to amaze me how groups feel the need to snail-mail out information packets. I've run into a handful of photographers who also insist on doing this. Get with the program people.] Their site has this to say:

Our Leaders officiate at weddings for those interested in an Ethical Culture ceremony. We are especially concerned that ceremonies reflect a relationship of mutuality between the partners and equality among the sexes. Each ceremony is created by the couple with the assistance of a Leader, and stresses the ethical commitment and shared responsibility to the life and love that the couple will have together. In addition, this ceremony emphasizes the multiple facets of the relationship, the trust and work required, the giving and accepting of promises that have serious import, and the creativity of love. Because the marriage ceremony is based on an Ethical Humanist nonsectarian philosophy, it may be particularly appropriate for those without a traditional religious affiliation or for couples of different faiths. This ceremony is available to same-gender couples (though not recognized at this time as a legal marriage in New York State). For more information contact Sheleigah Grube.

I'll keep you posted on what the information packet has to say.

And for the record Aunt T, we sincerely hope the readers of this blog do not discriminate based on degree of technical savvy. The authors, however, reserve the right to judge accordingly.

Photography Follow-Up

So, we met with Duet Photography and Video early last week. As I have mentioned before, we were very pleased with their style, presentation and services offered. The fact that they offer both photography and video services is a definite plus. I've recently reached out to the following photographers and look forward to hearing back from them. A price/value comparison will be the next step once I get some more information. As I have grown to recognize, there are some unique points of view - all of them I appreciate.

Joshua Freiwald

Luke Walker

Dan Loh

Dave Robbins

Londin Photography

Erik Freeland

Off Topic But Significant

There are few sites/blogs that check with undying fervor; Brownstoner, whose mission is to inform and open discussions on all things pertinent to Brooklyn real estate, is one of them. Today's post on related site (Brooklyn Record) has a great quote that touches upon my earlier "COMMENT" post. It goes:

"Without all the comments, a blog is much less interesting and vital, we think."

So, to those that have commented - Thanks.

To those that have yet to comment - No pressure, but we'd like to hear what you have to say - even if it's not about us.