Because You Asked...

In blogging fashion, I thought I would provide readers (frequent or other) with some information that we may incorporate into our wedding ceremony.





The Unity Candle - I've seen it used before but I can't quite recall if it's use was indicative of a religious ceremony or not. Either way, I think it could be used as-is or tweaked to make it more personal.

As one can probably imagine, the bride and groom each take a lit candle and simultaneously light a third larger "unity candle." They may blow out their individual lights, or leave them lit, symbolizing that they have not lost their individuality in their unity. Personally, I'm not fond of blowing out the candles since I think its a bit too easy (and unnerving) to find something symbolic in extinguishing them; me being symbolic and all. [For your trivia buffs, this is similar to the South African !Kung ceremony in which fire from the hearths of the homes of both families is used to start a fire in the newlyweds' home.]

Minister Keith (of NYMarriages) mentioned an alternative yet similarly symbolic ceremony, the sand ceremony. I like the idea but I just don't think it comes off as clean as the candle ceremony. Way too messy if you ask me. What if we use white sand??

I'm a fan of the wine ceremony where the bride and groom each take a carafe of wine and pour it into a single glass, which they both drink from. Heck, I'll drink anything. Even something as weak as wine.

Perhaps we can combine them as follows:

1 part Big A's Campari
1 part her mom's Wild Turkey (Gobble! Gobble!)
1 part Coco's (crap) Bud/Coor's light (no link necessary)
1 part Black Label (I wouldn't dare ruin a single malt doing this!)
1 part Mom's white wine with ice

Shake - because 007 never had it stirred. Pour into holy grail. Sip (or at least pretend to). Take said Holy Grail and attempt to break via foot like the Israeli Nation (representin! hoooo!). I think I've covered all of the bases, no?

In all seriousness, I like the idea of the unity candle and will figure out how best to incorporate it. Logistics within the chapel will most likely drive this.

Another Piece Of The Puzzle

Yes, that's right. Another piece to the wedding puzzle has been put into place.

Last night we had our officiant interview with Minister Keith from NY Marriages. Coco was running late (Men's Vogue beckons) so Minister Keith and I talked shop and baseball at the bar for a while. (I must admit there are still times when I just don't know where I am when I come above ground from the subway. Does this happen to every New Yorker?? Surely it must.)

The conversation quickly moved away from Mets & the Yankees (sorry, Minister Keith. Let's hope the Metropolitans can stop their losing streak!) as soon as we had cocktails in hand. For the record, Minister Keith, only ordered a Coke. Stella for me and a vibrantly floral 2007 Roisin Dubh for the bride-to-be.

Minister Keith reviewed for us his history, his perspectives on marriage, religion, and naturally, talked a bit about his family. (He and his wife (a Mets fan!) are expecting their 3rd child. They also have a set of one year-old twins - Twins?? Sounds like kismet to me!)

He ran down a 'typical' ceremony and graciously answered ANY questions we had about ANYTHING, either related or unrelated to the ceremony. I can't quite recall what specific questions we asked but the materials he provided covered all of the bases. Baseball pun intended. We spoke about a union ceremony (candle or sand), our vows, readings, who we might like to witness the signing of the marriage license, amongs other things. Needless to say, we're both very excited to work out the details in the upcoming months. He was very positive, over extended himself, and was glad to incorporate anything we wanted into the ceremony that would personalize it. He didn't stop there and as we exited, offered to answer any questions we might have about anything.

Other Minister Keith points of interest:

-He's owned up to using my "pleasantly forgettable" description of officiants with other clients.

-He's taller than I anticipated (due to his photo on the website). 6', maybe 6'1".

-This is not his full-time occupation. He also works in IT.

-He's done 1 ceremony at The Carlyle. I'd be just as happy if we're #2 or #10.

-He participates in a fantasy season-long HR derby that could pay out $$$$. I believe the Mrs. does, too.


(Sorry, Aunt T but The NYSEC is out. A great idea but I think we'd be foolish to pass up Minister Keith. I think I'll refer to him as MK for the rest of this post.)

Hot Off The Presses - Officiant News

It seems Minister Keith of NYMarriages has to reschedule next week's meeting. It seem he "made a critical error in setting up our meeting." Tuesday (June 12th) is actually his wife's birthday. For some reason, he thinks if he met with us, on Tuesday evening he would go home and the locks would be changed and all of his stuff would be on the front lawn.

This just reeks of foreshadowing.

Note to self:Do not forget wife-to-be's birthday.

L'Officiant - Part Duex et Trois

Part Duex

Back on the Officiant kick, I've set up a meeting with Minister Keith (MK) from NYMarriages for next Tuesday. Strangely (I actually prefer 'fittingly'), our meeting is at the restaurant/bar Roisin Dubh located downtown. Coco was especially excited but I told her to keep her stomach in check and that there's a better chance of me getting a pig-on-a-spit added as a wedding entree then her ordering up a side of mozzarella sticks. Besides - true to this establishment's Irish roots they only offer dinner of the liquid & amber variety. For the record, I prefer mine with an ice cube or two.

It should be noted that MK and I had a great chat on the phone about his officiant style. Read about my first post here. Coco, Mrs. Big A, and I really like the vows he suggested, too.

ps...He's a Yankee fan so try not to be too hard on him - they're only 12.5 games behind Boston. Hee hee.


Part Trois

Under the suggestion of Coco's Aunt T, I've also reached out to The New York Society for Ethical Culture to see what officiant services they have to offer. [sidebar: It never ceases to amaze me how groups feel the need to snail-mail out information packets. I've run into a handful of photographers who also insist on doing this. Get with the program people.] Their site has this to say:

Our Leaders officiate at weddings for those interested in an Ethical Culture ceremony. We are especially concerned that ceremonies reflect a relationship of mutuality between the partners and equality among the sexes. Each ceremony is created by the couple with the assistance of a Leader, and stresses the ethical commitment and shared responsibility to the life and love that the couple will have together. In addition, this ceremony emphasizes the multiple facets of the relationship, the trust and work required, the giving and accepting of promises that have serious import, and the creativity of love. Because the marriage ceremony is based on an Ethical Humanist nonsectarian philosophy, it may be particularly appropriate for those without a traditional religious affiliation or for couples of different faiths. This ceremony is available to same-gender couples (though not recognized at this time as a legal marriage in New York State). For more information contact Sheleigah Grube.

I'll keep you posted on what the information packet has to say.

And for the record Aunt T, we sincerely hope the readers of this blog do not discriminate based on degree of technical savvy. The authors, however, reserve the right to judge accordingly.

Back to Normal and..

With a small (& temporary!) reprieve from B school, I've promised to pick up on wedding goings-on so the few visitors that happen to make it to this blog during the minute/hour/day/week/month/year will have something to COMMENT on. My sincerest apologies about having nothing to COMMENT on. (Read: We like it when readers COMMENT. Lord knows one can never have enough COMMENTs. At least that what the advertisers say; "Groom-to-be, no COMMENTs = no traffic = no advertising revenue.")

Fresh from a relaxing Memorial Day weekend, we jump right back into picking a photo/videographer. Tuesday night we meet with Duet. I can't recall how I came upon them but I'd be lying if told you they looked like they could be the best value for what we are looking for....and by value I DON'T necessarily mean cheap. They are, however, VERY affordable. To their benefit they also have an inhouse videographer. Points for integration and coordination off the bat.

Not that it's really relevant but after poking around on their site I see that as of mid-March this year, they accept PayPal. Why not just accept Visa, MC or Amex?? I don't know the details of the benefits/cost savings involved of having a professional relationship with PayPal but I suspect it is attractive to some. I definitely see information security liability coming into play if they accepted CC info online. I know we did when I worked here.

What else...

Oh, yeah. The officiant. Progress will be made here in the next few weeks for sure. Things didn't work out with Coco's Uncle (Reverend Rick) performing the ceremony. He is Methodist minister that, understandably, just cannot perform a non-religious ceremony. Oh well for saving a few hundred or so. Minister Keith, if you're reading this, prepare to be contacted again!!

Minster Keith (of NY Marriages)

So, I've had our very first officiant interview. Progress. See what happens when I get a week off from school!?

The interview, albeit via phone, was pleasantly uneventful and sufficiently informative - just what I wanted. Minister Keith has been ordained for almost 2 years and in that time has wed 30-40 couples. He grew up going to Catholic school (Nan should love that, huh.) but has since, I think, drifted to more liberal views. He's wed inter-faith, same-sex and non-demoninational (hee hee) marriages and understands that not every faith answers all questions. Personally, I liked that about him. He's 34, was married almost 2 years ago and has a set of twins (a boy and a girl). Do you think the twin thing is a sign?? He also provided 2 references that he has married as early as November 2006. He seems very professional and strongly urges a meeting before we go to contract. Chemistry is key.

Our conversation wasn't forced and he answered all of my questions, and to be honest, was impressed with how thorough I was - imagine that - me being thorough. As expected, there will be a contract with a a 'back up minister' provision just in case triplets strike.

His website is pretty complete, has an FAQ, a list of services, sample vows, and some sponsor links. [Here] I would really only change one thing - some more pictures. What can I say - I'm a picture kind of guy. Either of him and couples he has wed or just him. Image is important to us regardless of how old (or young) someone may be. Here's a picture of him. He will also ask us to complete a brief questionnaire so that he can incorporate some of the answers into the ceremony. That seems cool.

Here it is:

Where did you meet?

What’s your favorite thing about one another?

What religious faith do you most closely adhere?

What is your perception of the ideal marriage?

If you had to choose one adjective to describe your fiancé, what would it be?

Any other comments you would like to consider adding to the procession narrative:



Seems pretty straightforward, no?

Since this is the first of what we hope will be only a few interviews, the cost structure of the various packages that he offers seems OK (read: affordable) - $350 & $400 for 3 different packages. Does that seem on par?

I'm only worried about one thing though - after following the link to the group that did his website, their contact form playfully suggests an email address that I find rather offensive - joe@YankeesRule.com - see for yourself. I mean, come on, as it stands they can't even beat Tampa Bay on opening day (as of the 6th inning). I think this is the only strike against Minister Keith. Pun intentional.

He gets points back for believing that Stef and I are students studying the Lordosis affect on hermaphroditic internal fertilization in mammals. Silly minister. We're just students of love.

ps. I'm not sure if it was me or not but I think he said "Stefi". Eeek.

pps. The above ps is ruled null and void since he spelled Coco's name right on the sample vow and contract. Go Minister Keith.

ppps. Mets. Rule.

pppps. Minister Keith, if you're out there, thanks for taking time to speak.

The Officiant - Where does one begin?

officiant
of·fi·ci·ant
noun.
One who performs a religious rite or presides over a religious service or ceremony.

Let's be honest for a second. [Pause]

I have no idea where to begin when it comes to looking for an officiant. I'm not religious and therefore don't go to church so I don't have a 'family' priest. The same applies for Coco.

I guess that means we go with a judge of sorts, no? A judge? really? To me that seems so not how I've pictured my wedding. I think Sean and expecting-mother-to-be-Jenoa had a judge although I don't really remember. That's good right - the not remembering. The last thing I think we want is for our guests to remember our officiant. The officiant should be pleasantly forgettable. So maybe Sean and expecting-mother-to-be-Jenoa's was OK. Go figure.

A judge just seems to set the wrong tone personally. Spirituality is important to the both of us but we definitely don't want the ceremony sprinkled with too many 'loves'. Too many loves = bad. Ironic, isn't it.

I need to pause; I'm being beckoned.